Self-Indulgent Self-Improvement

The Self-Improvement Spiral & How My Wardrobe (and Mindset) Transformed Over the Years

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I’m Julia. I’ve spent the past decade working in design, interiors, and editorial, co-founding The Design Release - a platform & substack dedicated to design fairs, exhibitions, and global design culture. I recently moved to London, where I earned my degree in furniture history, and where I am rebuilding my professional life in my favorite city.

I love fashion, self-improvement, and beautiful design - whether it’s finding the perfect jeans, lamp, or skincare routine, or diving into haircare, color seasons, and the philosophy of personal style. I write about what I’m obsessing over, what I’m learning, and the aesthetics that shape how we present ourselves to the world. Subscribe to join me on this new adventure.

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During the pandemic times, many of us went through the same obsessive journey of self-improvement fueled by TikTok (in my case), or whatever podcast was top-ranking at that time. I was in between lives: I had given up my cute apartment in Chelsea where I had lived for 7 years and moved in with my grandfather in the DC suburbs while I waited out the pandemic and considered what my post-NYC life would look like.

In the meantime, my life consisted of turning my little design media business into a PR agency (very intense), learning how to cook for myself and my grandfather (fun), yoga after work on the Peloton app, roast chicken for dinner, and Shark Tank at night. Pivoting to PR was exciting and challenging, but the rest of it was so monotonous and repetitive that all I really had to do in my free time was think about myself.

Here are some of the crazy things I did. But there are some practical things too:

1. I put my entire closet on Pinterest, which was easy to do since I was buying everything online. It was an indulgent use of my time, but in retrospect, it continues to help so much with packing, and visualizing what I own before I go and buy my 10th pair of jeans that I certainly don’t need. I find that if you can’t see it, you usually forget it’s there, so this has become my archive. If I need to sell something, I have the stock image easy access.

   

   I am so ridiculously proud of this

2. I became a student of Kibbe. Kibbe had a chockhold on me - and it still does! I still can’t believe the luck of women who are out there picking anything off the floor and looking fabulous and willowy and elegant, because frankly, for me, feeling great in clothing has always been an issue. What Kibbe taught me is that to look and feel your best you have to dress for your proportions, something that never really occured to me - shocker I guess?

   I am “moderate” - 5’3” sometimes thin if I’m sad, but usually curvy. My fashion tastes were dictated by the 5’10” models of the 90s: I have always loved a slim trouser with an elongated loafer, and a strong shoulder. But - alas - anytime I bought anything like that, or a chic oversized dress from Acne Studios, for instance, I felt like I was in costume. I had to learn to dress for my body which means clothing that snatches at the waist, tailoring, symmetrical styles, solid colors, and avoiding too much oversize. Kibbe was awesome for me, and I highly recommend it as a starting point.

3. I hired Allison Bornstein. Yes, I hired the world’s most popular stylist before she had 275k followers on instagram. Allison is a genius, but I do believe her instagram advice was more useful to me than the one-on-one session (I think in person would have been better). What she did was drill down the importance of those core items in your closet that you always reach for, and putting more consideration into how you shop, basically editing yourself and being more thoughtful. Her “three words” approach is the most genius thing of all, and you can apply it to almost anything including interior design (more on that topic later). I still struggle with my three words since I am technically still on this fashion journey, but I believe it is a mix of classic/sophisticated, sporty/boyish, and (I always struggle with the last one) tailored/timeless.

4. I replaced all my basics. Thanks to Allison’s school of thought, my Zara blazer got upgraded to Toteme (that’s been upgraded since then to secondhand Ralph Lauren). I bought my first Celine bag. I bought a quality suitcase. Living at my grandfather’s and saving on NYC rent allowed me a few indulgences, but everything was mostly secondhand. Some of these things have lasted (the suitcase and the bag were the best purchase, in retrospect), but most items I bought during that time have been replaced, sold, and repurchased at least once or twice since then.

   Here are my best 2020 purchases which I think are worth noting: My Rimowa trunk suitcase, which I would repurchase in green. Citizens of Humanity Annina jeans - which I believe are the most flattering wide-leg, soft jeans money can buy (size down or check the size guide). This oversized Toteme shirt. A vintage Prada Sport dress, I found the exact one here, and I had mine tailored to perfection. The bag is Celine million jacquard (a little harder to find second-hand but here is one in suede I really like). This bag is like wearing a glorious tapestry, I love it so much. A Jil Sander clutch called the Tootie, I found a few on Vestiaire. And - old news I know! - the Gucci Jordaan loafers. These are the definition of TIMELESS!

   

   It’s crazy that out of all of my 2020 “upgrades” these are the only items that remained.

   

   My favorite Annina jeans and Toteme shirt.

And that was just fashion - I did the whole thing all over again for skincare, makeup, and hair (and again when I moved to London and discovered how horrible hard water can actually be). I was also binging entrepreneur podcasts like How I Built This and Digiday, attachment theory content, I was in therapy to work on my relationship with my mother … Exhausting I know!! I wanted to *emerge* from my grandfather’s as the new and improved me. And I think I did! But in the end, most of that self-improvement didn’t come from the books or podcasts. It came from learning patience and caring for another human (my grandfather) in a way that took me outside of myself.

Two years later, when I finally stepped into my new life in London, I was able to see this self-optimizing journey from an outside perspective. A remarkably beautiful and brilliant friend of mine became obsessed with achieving even more perfection. She wanted to turn heads 24/7. It was not only clear that her need for external validation was starting to consume her, but it was starting to feel competitive, and I was beginning to feel worse about myself too. I wasn’t operating at the same level of constant refinement and discipline, and suddenly my own growth felt like it wasn’t enough.

Around that time when our friendship was starting to dissipate, I came across the NYT article about Elise Loehnen (former something of Goop), and her book, “On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good.” The article was called “She Outgrew the Wish to Be Perfect.” In her book, Loehnen wrote about our current society and how women’s need to achieve perfection has left us “exhausted, anxious, unable to express their true feelings and perpetually striving for an impossible-to-attain ideal.” I especially related to what she said here: “My interests were moving out of this idea of self-optimization. I think what happens in the wellness world is this desire for control and certainty.” It was time to relinquish control. My biggest lesson of my 30s.

Yet… we can still have fun with it. I got my color seasons done this past summer, after all! I still care about looking my best, fun hacks, and feeling aligned - inside and out. But I’ll never beat myself up for not being there or compare myself to someone else.

Sometimes self-improvement is about therapy and detangling childhood wounds, sometimes it’s about patience and showing up for someone else, and sometimes… it’s just about figuring out you’re a Soft Classic and a Soft Summer, and finally understanding why one-shoulder tops never worked for you.